My boys and I went to the beach in memory of my stepdad who passed on January 21st.

Grief is so hard to understand. One day, everything seems fine. The next you are depressed and do things in memory of the one passed. The next you are too busy to cry. The following you are walking in a fog. The next day you are angry at God for letting them die so young and crying your eyes out! 

My stepdad was an amazing Pap-Pap!

My stepdad lost his year and a half long fight against Esophageal Cancer. I underestimated how hard his passing would hit me. It doesn’t help when sick kids, depression, financial struggle, and a strained marriage are thrown into the mix. But since he passed, my emotions are everywhere! I really don’t know what kind of support I need during this season of my life. If you are trying to comfort those grieving, be ready for the many different “days”. They may want to cry, scream, reminisce, laugh, talk, or ignore people altogether. Meals, hugs, and offering help with kids, housework, or errands is appreciated!

The words slipped away into the ocean. Such symbolism of his life’s passing.

So in this grieving time, I am not sure how often I will write. My life feels on hold. My weight loss journey is currently non-existent. My minimalism has came to a halt. I want to celebrate life but I don’t know how through all this pain. I want life to make sense. I want to be surrounded by family and I feel lost in the wilderness, states away. The loss of a loved one while on the road is hard. You can’t always move back home while you grieve. Life just keeps going even though you feel like you are sitting still.


5 thoughts on “Grief, My Current Companion

  1. I’m truly sorry for your loss. Your story touched me and I just want to let you know you are not alone. My mother passed away from cancer last year after a hard battle with cancer. We are also a full time family and not being “home” has both hurt and helped me in different ways. Some days I feel as if time has stood still since that day and I can’t move past it. Other days I am thankful to not be home and surrounded by constant reminders of her absence. I’ll keep you and your stepfather in my thoughts and prayers.


  2. I went full time 8 months after my 18 year old grandson was murdered. I got fired from my job. I couldent wait to leave “home”. It destroyed My family. My need to be alone most of the time is a driving force that keeps me moving. Your title is well stated and I believe grief will always be my companion. This is my new life. Understand that everyone must be allow to grieve in their own way. Time does not heal you. It instead forces you to live life in a new “normal”. It’s been almost two years. It feels like yesterday and then at times A lifetime ago. Time has a new meaning to me. I feel like i live in the twlight zone. I am sorry for your loss. Give yourself and loved ones time to adjust to your new normal. Peace to you.


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